Rings

Directed by F. Javier Gutierrez

https://www.facebook.com/RingsMovie/

While not unintentionally hilarious as the recently reviewed “The Bye Bye Man,” a far worse fate is in store for the purveyors of “Rings” – complete and utter boredom.

Crash landing with a turbulent takeoff where the antagonist Samara claims another soul aboard an airplane that could have been very effective but like so much modern horror, the filmmakers blew their load so fast that a jolting opening passage was reduced to paranormal premature ejaculation. We are then whisked away to introduce Gabriel (Johnny Galecki) in what initially feels like a cameo spot, becomes the crux of this, as of today, finale to the franchise.

Julia (Matilda Lutz) and Holt (Alex Roe) are star crossed college students separated by the expanse of Washington State where Skype and phone contact keep them in touch until Holt appears distant and disconnected and eventually a manic girl hijacks his webcam trying to find him and alarming Julia in the process. As such, she drives to his alma mater and uncovers a vast “Ringception” perpetrated by Gabriel who believes he’s unlocked the secrets of Samara but as things unravel, Julia and Holt travel to where it all began to unearth the evil themselves.

The film itself is very stock; there is no sympathy for the characters, the music is bland, the script is strictly by the numbers and the scares are non-existent. As much as I abhor jump scares, there isn’t even a single one here that got me in the slightest. Without spoiling anything, they of course provide some set up for a sequel but you really have to wonder where this series could go, except further down the well, drowning itself much like Paramount’s other flagship franchise “Paranormal Activity.”

In 2002, when “The Ring” opened, like most I was unaware of its original source material and like most, was completely blindsided by how and effective and creepy the feature was, with that schizophrenic cinematography, unnerving Zimmer score and incredible performances from the whole cast, it was an unexpected surprise. I maintain that both the American remakes of “The Ring” and “The Grudge” outshine their inspirations. “The Ring Two” suffered the same delayed release and studio interference as the equally maligned “Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows” but while the latter finally got a sequel 15 years later that at least it felt like a solid attempt despite its imperfections, “Rings” could have been so much more. Whether it was the originally planned 3D installment for the trilogy or an expansion on the social experiment ideas explored, “Rings” potential to cement the mythos and resurrect Samara as a horror icon. Instead, there is a mishmash of recycled ideas from the first two entries, lackluster energy or the entire subplot of “Don’t Breathe” lifted verbatim, “Rings” is at best mediocre and at worst, the death knell of the series. May Samara finally rest in peace…