Review: xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (2017)

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Vin Diesel returns to the xXx franchise in xXx: The Return of Xander Cage, a film riddled with just as many cliches as it is bullet casings.

Vin Diesel is a smart man. Having seen what a success The Fast & Furious franchise became after it was reimagined as an ensemble franchise focusing on vehicles and a team dynamic, Diesel produced this reboot and rebranding of his one-time alternative 007 franchise in an effort to clearly capitalize on The Fast & Furious‘ strong worldwide following. While that may sound cynical, the finished product clearly reflects an eye candy vs. plot mindset that favors adrenaline styled action over plot and narrative.

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage features Diesel as Cage, who faked his death to escape the xXx program, and now lives in Santo Domingo doing crazy stunts to get the locals free soccer matches off satellite. As Cage enjoys his leisurely existence consisting of random hook-ups with locals and skiing and skateboarding down dirt mountains, a rogue xXx team led by Xiang (Donnie Yen) steals a maguffin called The Pandora’s Box; a magic device that can strategically crash satellite onto people like guided missiles. One of these stellar missiles is used to take out Xander’s mentor Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) and his replacement Marke, played by Toni Collette, finds Xander Cage and urges him to find Pandora’s Box and get revenge for Gibbons.

Honestly, the film is very thin, plot wise. Yen is ostensibly the villain, until his character conveniently has a change of heart. His two lackeys, played by martial arts star Tony Jaa and UFC champion Michael Bisping, respectively, aren’t even given names until nearly the end of the movie and both are hardly showcased to the best of their ability. Cage’s team is made up of a Chinese DJ (Kris Wu), Ruby Rose playing an off-brand version of Konami’s Sniper Wolf from Metal Gear, and Game of Thrones‘ Rory McCann playing a guy who likes to crash cars. The film is less a film than a live-action Saint’s Row game, complete with random cutscenes and incomprehensible scenes like a motorcycle chase in the ocean through the waves.

There are tons of amazing films being released in cinemas every week, whether in VOD or traditionally. This film will have a crowd, but it is mind numbing in its level of popcorn movie. If you absolutely need to turn your brain off and watch mindless cinema, then xXx: The Return of Xander Cage is in cinemas now.